“Let’s Talk”

May 2008

I was going through a difficult period from April through the end of July. This particular weekend I was a big fucking mess. I had just gotten home from the bars when I received a text from Jack saying, “I love you.” It was so random and out of the blue. Never saw that one coming. Here is the sequence of my reactions to this text:

1) Shock. I hadn’t talked to Jack in months. The last time we spoke was the weekend I took the LSAT (September 2007). He wanted to hang out and when I called him after I got done with the test, he suddenly didn’t want to pick up his phone. Never got an explanation for that. 

2) Disbelief. I had declared my love to someone else the month before. I’ve known Jack for years and he was just saying this now? What sort of sick twist of fate was this? 

3) Anger. How dare Jack tell me he loves me. Jack was the king of false hope.  After all the shit he put me through, for him to say “I love you” was just fucked up and I was not going to accept it.

4) Sadness. Jack obviously was not the person I wanted to hear those words from. I felt like it was one huge cosmic joke being played on me.

 

Text conversation

Lynx: “Did you mean to send that to me?”
Jack: “Yes. I don’t know how we haven’t dated yet or at least seen each other constantly. 
Lynx: “I was really crazy about you.”
Jack: “Why didn’t we go out?”
Lynx: “Because of the bullshit you pulled when I took the LSAT.”
Jack: “I miss you. Let’s talk about this.”

Against my better judgement I drove out to see him at 3 AM. I deserved to know what the hell happened. There was no chance of getting back with him, but I just wanted to hear what he had to say. Believe me, it was pretty mature of me to do. The last time someone had said “I love you” to me, I shut down and cut him out of my life. 

I arrived at his buddy’s place where he was staying. We went through the bullshit pleasantries and then his friends left us to pass out. Jack and I took it to the couch. I was waiting for him to stop the small talk and say whatever it was he had to say. Well that didn’t happen. Instead he tried to kiss me. 

Lynx: “What are you doing?”
Jack: “Um…trying to kiss you, I think. Are we not going to kiss?”
Lynx: “I didn’t come here to kiss you. I can get kisses back home. So what’s up? You wanted to talk.”
Jack: “Um…okay…I really think we should kiss first though.”
Lynx: “Did you honestly think that I would show up tonight and it would be like nothing happened? Did you think I would just forget?”
Jack: “Um…I don’t know. Do we really have to talk? Can’t you think of something better to do since we’re here?”
Lynx: “Okay I came here because I thought you wanted to talk. I’m not going to kiss you. I’m not going to fuck you. I won’t even cuddle with you!” 

 

I left. I was pretty angry that I wasted my time, not only that night, but for wasting almost 3 years on him. I was angry at myself for believing a drunk man. Jack wanted to fuck and had lured me into seeing him by saying “I love you” of all things! That is so low to do. I now know better than to go running out at 3 AM whenever someone claims to be “in love” with me.

Dick-tum and Guantanaballs

February 2009   

I promised that you wouldn’t hear the last of the Hobbit. It started off with cases about prisoners of war and trying to stimulate me with his “extensive” knowledge of cases going back to WWII. I mentioned Boumediene v. Bush and Hamdi v. Rumsfeld but apparently that was too modern, a little too New Zealand for Mr. Middle-Earth. I hope someone got that reference and that I’m not the biggest dork ever for making that comment. Needless to say, I wasn’t turned on by any of this.

Text conversation

Lynx: “The Hobbit is trying to seduce me by reciting cases about Guantanamo.”
Bad-Ass: “Wear a big gold ring on a chain and tell him it has nothing to do with him!”

April 2009   

The hobbit wanted my opinion on a gun case I used to know. What’s the problem? I USED to know some facts about the case. Since I clearly am not in law school and am not currently enrolled in any law courses, I don’t have the precendents memorized and I couldn’t tell you what was said in any of the Supreme Court opinions. So why is he asking me to look this paper over?? I began bitching to The Texan (he’s about to graduate from law school) about not knowing what “orbiter dictum” meant.

IM Conversation

The Texan: “Learn your Latin roots then and prove me wrong. Well dicta means ‘words’ or ‘written.’ Orbita means…um…semen? OK not semen.”

Lynx: “Stop being gross. Fucking douche.”

The Texan: “What is that bad?”

Lynx: “The Hobbit still trying to get into my pants via legal speak.”

The Texan: “Lol. I tried that. That’s a dead end.”

And of course I had to tell Bad-Ass about the current Hobbit attempt.

Text conversation

Lynx: “Hobbit wants me to read his legal analysis paper. Puke”

Bad-Ass: “If by ‘read his analysis’ you mean ‘touch his balls’ then yes, I’d say that’s just what he wants.”

The Snow Storm

January 2008

I didn’t know it at the time but when I decided to leave my house this evening, a snow storm was happening and I had to travel almost an hour in it. A few months prior, I had cut Leo off. He started dating another girl and didn’t bother to tell me. It was a rather rude awakening. One moment I think things were fine and then I see a picture of him locking lips with another girl. On top of that, this girl wrote lovey dovey messages all over his Myspace page. I did not take it well, which is a huge understatement. He still wanted to be friends and I wanted nothing to do with him. 

Text Conversation

Leo: “So what are your thoughts on Pangaea?”

Lynx: “I think it would be best if we stopped talking to each other.”

Leo: “Haha I guess I’m not that funny today.”

Lynx: “I’m not fucking around. You apparently have some type of girlfriend and I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

Leo: “Wow, I didn’t know it was the cool thing to throw away a 3 year friendship through text.”

He didn’t fully understand what “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” meant, but he learned by week 3. Leo and that girl lasted about 2 months and then he was back, trying to talk to me. They all come crawling back to the Lynx. I was still very mad at him, but decided we could hang out again and that I would punish him. 

Back to the night of the snow storm.  By all outward appearances, one would think that this would lead to us hooking up. We did our usual movie thing and when that was over, he gave me a pair of boxers to change into. It was a bad idea to spend the night, but since it wasn’t safe to drive back home I felt that I should stay. I didn’t want to get back on the road only to get into an accident or wind up in a ditch and be stranded. It was awkward being around him again. Since we hadn’t been intimate in roughly 3 months, I left the room to change. 

Leo: “Did you just leave the room to change into my boxers?”

Lynx: “Yes, I did.”

Leo: “Um, one, it’s dark. Two, I’ve seen you naked before. And three, I don’t have my contacts in. I can’t see you anyway, ass!”

I let Leo think we were falling back into our routine. I was on my side of the bed, my back to him when I felt his lips on my neck. Don’t think for a second that I wasn’t thinking, “I missed you and I wish we could fuck like nothing happened.” I was throwing myself at the flame and had to remind myself that I was not getting burned this time. I suppose I should thank assholes everywhere, it’s because of you that I have finely honed my self control. 

Lynx: ”Is this where I tell you to not touch me?”

Leo: ”I don’t know…do you want me to stop touching you?”

I didn’t say anything and kind of laughed. I did want him to stop touching me, but I wanted to see how much further I could tease him before giving him the gift of blue balls. He continued his assault. Leo slid his hand underneath my shirt, caressing my bare back. Then his hand moved to the boxers I had on. That’s when I said, “Don’t touch me.” He was confused and withdrew his hand, only to attempt to breach the boxers again 5 minutes later.

Lynx: “Don’t touch me!”

Leo: “Are you serious? You don’t want me to touch you?”

Lynx: “I said don’t touch me.”

Leo: “You’re really going to be stubborn about this?”

Lynx: “Yes I am!”

Leo: “Wow, okay geez, I’m sorry.”

He rolled over, saying something else. I couldn’t hear so I wondered if he said “I’m sorry you want to be a bitch” or “I’m sorry for choosing another girl over you.” Two completely different things and it would also be very hard to mix-up either of those statements. It’s also quite possible he didn’t say either of those. The latter is totally from my imagination, and I wonder if he knew it was because of her that I was acting this way. 

What’s the lesson here? Don’t spurn the Lynx. Your dick will be worse off if you do.

Why I Stopped Talking to Leo for 8 Months

January 2006

Leo asked me to go to a party in the city with him. I had nothing going on so I said sure. I met up with Leo, his friends Gallagher, Jacques and Jacques’ Guatemalan girlfriend in Palos Hills. This is where Jacques lived. Leo and I had just started hanging out after a long hiatus, so it was really weird meeting his friends. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see them again, because I wasn’t sure myself if I was going to see Leo again. That’s when they broke the news to me that we were going to an Ethiopian party.

A what? We have those? Apparently so.

There was no going back. In the car it was revealed that Gallagher was a Kutcher House boy from Eastern Illinois University. Of course I got excited since I was very good friends with the Kutcher House boys at Northern Illinois. So we started chattering away about fraternity stuff. I think Leo got jealous that we weren’t talking about his fraternity, the Tiki House. You know how there’s always some slight rivalry between houses when it comes to girls, no matter how friendly the boys are with one another. This is when Leo admitted, “I didn’t want to tell you he was a Kutcher boy in case you got wet for him.”

We rolled in and I was with the only three white guys in the entire place, along with the only Guatemalan and myself being the only Asian. Slightly uncomfortable, but the Ethiopians were pretty friendly. Jacques and the Guatemalan took all these cute couple pictures and then they kept trying to make Leo and I take the same cute couple pictures. I said no. They thought I was like a girlfriend figure (I thought Leo had obviously not told them the full history about us) and I was nothing close to being that girlfriend figure.

He wasn’t paying attention to me towards the end of the night and some Ethiopian guy started dancing with me. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but Leo came over and moved me over to dance with him. This night is the only time Leo and I have ever danced together. Let me tell you, for a tall white guy, he’s got moves. I couldn’t wait to get back to Jacques’ apartment to put those moves to use.

I fell asleep next to Leo on the ride home. Gallagher was on the other side of him. Leo put his sport jacket over me in case I got cold. Or so I thought. I woke up to Leo’s hand underneath my skirt doing some exploration. Damn did it feel good! I quickly looked around the car to see if anyone else noticed. I hoped that I would be able to keep quiet if he got me off before we arrived at Jacques’ apartment.

When we got back, Jacques, the Guatemalan, and Gallagher went into their respective rooms. Leo and I got down to business, “I can’t believe you’re still wet!” Right before insertion we had one of those moments where Leo had to text Jacques for condoms. Come on really, do you have to let him know you’re going to bang me? He’s going to hear it in about 10 minutes anyway!

The next morning I was feeling sick. I threw my skirt back on and walked topless to the bathroom, hands over my boobs. You know, so I could be semi-decent in case someone came out. I started puking in the toilet. The room was even spinning. I managed to make it back to the mattress Leo and I had been sleeping on, not sure if I had woken him up. Bad Lynx, my puking had woken him. He asked me if I was okay, I said yes. He then asked if I was sure there wasn’t anything was wrong with me. No, nothing was wrong with me. Leo started rubbing my back and I fell asleep again.

Later that evening, when we were home, Leo was talking to me on AIM. He once again brought up the puking situation, asking if I was okay. And then he launched into this jackass rant.

Leo: “The kid is not mine. We just had sex last night and it takes 2 weeks for symptoms to show. You’re pregnant and you better not try to say that I’m the father.”
Lynx: “Are you fucking kidding me?? Pregnant?? I’m not pregnant!”
Leo: “You were puking this morning! I’m not going to throw my life away over a baby! It’s not mine!”
Lynx: “I was puking this morning because I had been drinking, fucking asshole!! Not because I’m pregnant!”
Leo: “What? Oh…so you’re really not pregnant?”
Lynx: “For the last time, I’m not fucking pregnant!”

I was so furious with him. Absolutely fucking livid that he would think I was one of those girls who would either throw someone else’s baby on him or that I would use a baby excuse to keep him. He let me calm down for 2 weeks. I was at Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum’s house that weekend when Leo texted me, saying I should come out to Palos Hills to hang out with him and Jacques.

Leo: “Are you coming?”
Lynx: “Is it worth it?”
Leo: “I dunno…is it?”
Lynx: “You’re not. I’m not going to see you. Good night”

It wouldn’t be until August 2006 that I would unleash my sexual fury on him again.