Tiki House Visit

August 2006

It was the beginning of move-in weekend at NIU. I was partying it up at the Kutcher House despite having just transferred to another school. I was standing outside talking to some of the Kutcher guys when I received a text from Jack, wanting to meet up later that night. He just started graduate school at NIU but his dumbass went home to Carol Stream for the weekend, while I went to Dekalb in hopes of running into him. Ironic. I moved quickly and texted Leo, I knew he was in town visiting his fraternity, the Tiki House.

Lynx: We should totally fuck tonight.
Leo: I’m in Dekalb, what about you?
Lynx: 4 houses down, with the Kutcher Boys.
Leo: Come on over, I’ll be on the third floor.

I met up with him and his best friend, Jean-Luc, in some brother’s room. Of course it was filled with girls. I sat next to Leo on the couch while Jean-Luc handed me beers. I was a little uncomfortable only because even though I had been to the Tiki House enough, they were not my friends and I still was a Kutcher girl. I  didn’t know these girls that kept putting their hands on Leo and telling him how hot he was. I found the whole thing entertaining. I remember thinking if I had cared about him at this point in time, I should have been jealous. But I didn’t give a damn. However I was growing impatient. I thought I was going to show up, have a beer, bone, and then get back to the Kutcher House. He was actually making me hang out with everyone.

When people began passing out, Leo tried finding a place for us to go. He graduated the previous spring and no longer lived at the house. We ran into a brother who was going to some skank’s apartment and said we could have his room. If I took the time to think about it, I could tell you how many months it had been since Leo and I saw each other last. We had just gotten reacquainted with each other through AIM a couple weeks earlier. I knew that Leo hadn’t had sex in 5 or 6 months due to a pregnancy scare with some other girl. He wanted to get back into the game and I was more than willing to help a “friend” out.

Leo tried to kiss me. Since he made me wait, I wasn’t in the mood for the usual moves that lead to sex. It was happening and it sure as hell didn’t need kissing to initiate it. I was drunk and climbed on top of him. We fucked a lot that night, it still holds my record, but I can’t remember if we started with clothes on or if it all came off later. I was wearing a skirt that night, so it’s possible I rode him with it on. The frat house doesn’t have air conditioning and the room we fucked in only had a ceiling fan which didn’t do us any good.

After having sex the third time (but not the last time), I lay on the futon, spent and satisfied. I was too tired to move away from Leo. On the verge of drifting to sleep, I heard someone at the door playing with the knob. It was locked so this drunk resourceful person successfully keyed the door (why did I never have this luck??). Leo and I were completely nude when the drunk person, a Tiki brother, walked in on us. He was pretty surprised at the sight of us. I didn’t try to cover myself, it was way too damn hot.

Tiki Brother: What the hell is going on here?
Leo: Umm…
Tiki Brother: Dude [room's owner] said I could crash here.
Leo: Yeah…I’m sorry man. As you can see the room’s a bit occupied. I owe you next time!

After he left we had sex again, and again, and again- well you get the point. I would have loved to tell you we fucked that many times without kissing once, and you can blame me for this one, but his face was way too close to mine so I just went for his mouth. And as I once told Boomp, “It didn’t mean anything!” It’s good that Leo was able to unleash on me. After I was dropped off at my car in the morning, Leo and Jean-Luc went paintballing. It was Leo’s first time and lucky him, he got shot in the dick. It was blue and black for a while.

Ando Almost Kills The Lynx

January/February 2005

Leela and I were drinking at the Kutcher House. For whatever reason Leela and I stepped outside and saw that Ando, brother in the House of David, was outside drunk having a smoke next to his car. At the time these two fraternities were right next to each other. We ran over to him to say hi. I jumped on him in my excitement. Now Ando is a big guy. Large in physique and muscular.  I thought he could handle a 140 pound girl. Yeah well I jump on him and the next thing I know, BAM! The fucker dropped me on the car! He wasn’t prepared for all that Lynx loving. When he fell, he twisted and we landed on the car. The wind was knocked out of me because Ando’s large body was crushing me.

Ando: Oh my God, are you okay?
Lynx: -can’t breathe-
Ando: Lynx, ARE YOU OKAY??
Lynx: -still can’t breathe-
Ando: Say something!
Lynx: Dying!
Ando: Oh my God! I killed Lynx!

Jumping on drunk people is a bad idea. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t learn my lesson. I’ve been dropped/fallen since this night.

Kutcher House Reunion

April 2008

I was in Dekalb for a Kutcher House reunion at Alfonso’s place. It was really good to see everyone together again. I wish I could remember more about this night, I do know Riley’s was the last place I drank before going back to Alfonso’s apartment.  April was a terrible month for me personally. I was a broken Lynx.  I tried to put my happy face on for the guys, but it just wasn’t working. I loved the guys but it was just too hard to be in Dekalb so soon after getting the news I received. 

Beer Muscles’ old roommate Arnold walked me back to Alfonso’s apartment. I poured my heart out to  Arnold and he was no help to me. So I called Alfonso’s girlfriend over since she was still up. She couldn’t help me either. Alfonso’s roommate was gone that weekend so Arnold put me to sleep in the empty room. I woke up hours later to drunk Bobby Blue breaking into the room to try and talk to me. He was one of the last people I wanted to see. I also knew that he was going to try and hook up with me.

 

Bobby Blue: “Why are you in here?”
Lynx: “I’m trying to sleep, obviously!”
Bobby Blue: “What’s wrong?”
Lynx: “Nothing is wrong! Just leave me alone!”
Bobby Blue: “Something is wrong! I would be a bad friend if I left you alone! Now tell me what’s wrong!”
Lynx: “I don’t want to talk to you about it, just fucking go, please. I don’t want you here.”
Bobby Blue: “See! Something’s wrong with you! I knew it!”
Lynx: “I will fucking rip your balls off if you do not get the fuck out of the room so I can sleep.”

 

He finally left when Arnold came to check up on me. I begged Arnold to stay in the room with me because I knew Bobby Blue would try to come back in. Sure enough, Bobby Blue broke in again. He just could not leave me alone. When he saw that Arnold was lying next to me, he assumed that we were trying to screw and immediately was like  ”Oh sorry man, didn’t know you were in here” and left. 

We woke  up to screaming and yelling a couple hours after that. The Cuban was very hurt (emotionally) and was bitching at the other guys. It was brotherhood type of shit. I had no idea what was going on since I left the bars early, but I was getting irritated because my sleep was being disturbed. Like seriously, I don’t remember  there being all this fucking drama when I hung out with them before.  Once again, I loved these guys, but they were acting like a bunch of girls. 

During the night/morning I was rolling around and knocked my phone off the lofted bed into some corner. I climbed over Arnold, trying not to wake him and then started climbing over boxes that were underneath the bed. Everything was fine until I got stuck. Yes. I got stuck underneath a lofted bed. I couldn’t move forward and I couldn’t move to the side. I just about started bawling my eyes out, I’d been through so much shit that week and here I was trapped under the fucking bed. Thank God that Arnold awoke and helped me out.

Reunionwise, I think it actually turned out to be a terrible one. I’ve done my best to avoid Bobby Blue since that night.

Brohemian Rhapsody

Okay I know this video came out in 2007, some of you may have already seen it, but coming across this today made me feel very nostalgic as I have been witness to events like these. Since they beat me to creating a visual of my college years in frat houses, here it is for your viewing pleasure!

How Not To Meet The Lynx’s Mom

September 2004

My sophomore year at NIU had just started and my mother was visiting the townhouse. To be honest, I hated when my parents showed up, they were always interfering with my drinking and party recovery. These activities were frowned upon by them, so like any typical college kid it was something I tried to hide.

My mother was cutting into me and Leela’s drinking time at the House of David and we were anxious for her to leave. Just when my mother was about to leave, there was a knock at at our back door. I answered it to see 3 House of David guys standing with 40s in their hands. Oh shit. They were wondering what was taking us so long. When they saw that my mother was there they came in to say hi to her.

I was flipping out in my head, “Oh my god they’ve got beer in their hands! She’s going to think all my friends are drunks and she’s going to hate them!”They were pretty drunk. Too fucking drunk to meet my mother. And yes, they did make asses of themselves in front of her.

Ando, in his drunkeness, thought we were Filipino and tried to speak Tagalog.

Ando: -speaking drunk Tagalog-
Mother of the Lynx: “What?”
Ando: -repeating drunk Tagalog-
Lynx: “Why are you talking in a foreign language?”
Ando: “You’re Filipino! You’re supposed to understand me! “

Young Russy kept trying to hug her and kiss her hand.

Lynx: “I think you need to get off my mom now.”
Young Russy: “Isn’t this what Asian people do? I’m trying to be nice!”

And Sharky kept blurting out, “She’s so hot. Lynx’s mom is so fucking hot!”

I was completely horrified. I kept hitting him to get him to shut up but he wouldn’t be quiet. Leela of course was more entertained by this than I was. We did a very unsuccessful job of trying to get the guys to leave our place. When my mother left, I yelled at the guys to never fucking do that again otherwise I would shove a 40 oz. up their asses.

The next day, I got a call from my mother.

Mother of the Lynx: “Those boys from yesterday, they stunk of alcohol. Are you sure they’re not doing drugs? I think you need to find new friends, they’re not good boys. And that one boy, he was a manslut* trying to touch me! “

* She was speaking in Asian and this is the best/closest translation for the actual word she used.

Kellach and Oklahoma Joe

April 2005

I was hooking up with this guy named Kellach. He was pledging the Kutcher House and I broke my “No hooking up with guys in the frat you hang out with” rule for him. It was only because I had known him before he began pledging.

The previous semester, on the first day of class for Greek Mythology, I saw this really cute guy (Kellach) come in. He was a couple seats over and the next day, I had the balls to actually come in, sit down right next to him (first time I have ever done this), and strike up a conversation. I thought things were going well and the next time we had class, he didn’t sit next to me. I was a little disappointed and thought okay, I guess he’s just not into Asians. It also affected me so much that I never sat next to a cute guy again. When I come into a room, I try to sit the farthest away from any attractive guy. I wouldn’t find out until the next semester that he was too intimidated to sit next to me again.   

One weekend Kellach and his roommate/fellow pledge Pavel, had a buddy Oklahoma Joe come out to visit. I was with other some of their pledge mates when we ran into each other at a party. Having met Oklahoma Joe before, we talked a bit to catch up with each other. After a few hours we were hungry and decided to get drunk food. I asked the other Kutcher guys if they wanted to go with us, and everyone said no. Oklahoma Joe and I walked back to the Kutcher House to get his car and then drove over to the Barn (present day Riley’s).

We just got done ordering when Kellach walked in with Loki. When he saw that Oklahoma Joe and I were sitting together, he didn’t look too happy. Kellach sat down at a table right next to us, making it even more awkward for me and Oklahoma Joe. He barely said a word. Loki, who was trying to make small talk with us, was totally ignorant that Kellach was pissed off.

Lynx: “Are you fucking kidding me? He followed us here?”

Oklahoma Joe: “He’s so mad right now! “

Lynx: “I asked him to get food with us! He didn’t want to, why would he be mad?”

Oklahoma Joe: “Kellach probably thinks I’m trying to bang his girl.”

Lynx: “I can’t believe this, it’s bullshit. We’re not even going out! I am not his girl!”

Kellach got jealous easily. There were a lot of things I did that would set him off. I didn’t always do it on purpose, but sometimes this was a game I liked to play. In my game, I still let a guy know in my own way that I would never touch someone else. Maybe Kellach realized that. Maybe he didn’t. It was something that repeated itself numerous times.    

He didn’t want to claim me, but everyone else in the house knew that more or less I was his, even if he didn’t say it. During this time of my youth, if I didn’t use you for sex, then I was in some sort of twisted unofficially-together-sexing situation. We were very much the latter. He was the one to say “I don’t want a relationship” (when I didn’t even have that on my mind) and yet he couldn’t let me go.

That night, Kellach was jealous and upset enough to follow me to the Barn and check up on me. I don’t know if it was to make sure that Oklahoma wasn’t putting the moves on me or vice versa. Loki left on his own and then it was just Kellach, Oklahoma Joe, me, and more awkward silence.    

Kellach wound up driving Oklahoma Joe’s car and dropped me off at my townhouse. The elephant in the car wasn’t brought up. I don’t know if Oklahoma Joe ever tried to say something to him after I walked into my place. This incident was never something we talked about.

I didn’t do anything wrong and yet we didn’t fuck again for the rest of the semester.

Halloween as a Pussycat Doll

Okay so this is really about Halloween 2004, but to preface this I have to sort of explain Halloween 2003.

I had just started hanging out with my future roommate Leela. For my costume I was a Pussycat Doll before they were cool and only a burlesque show. House of David and the Gentleman House were throwing a joint party and my BFFs at the time, Simba and Young Russy (House of David pledges) had to wear man-thongs, and only man-thongs, as their costume. Strangely enough, they got hit on by many girls this night. I got separated from Leela and wound up starting an apartment party across the street from the Jock House. Leela would be all by herself when she witnessed the guy she was seeing (House of David), make out with another girl in front of her and she ended her relationship with him after that. Once I was done with the apartment party, me and some girls went to crash the Tiki House who was having a mixer with a sorority. I barely remembered passing by a guy in a Duff Man costume. I would learn months down the line that this was Leo. 

October 2004

We were back at the Gentlemen House. I was a Pussycat Doll again because I loved it so much. I was one of the few original costumes at parties and no one really had the balls to wear the outfit. Leela wore the same exact costume both years, her booty short panties and a tank top. She was an “underwear model.” Anyway I was lust-struck and kinda followed Scooby Douche around since it was his fraternity. His bitch neighbors tried to infere with us again. I got separated from Lauren. She was seeing our neighbor who happened to be a Gentleman Alum and just like the year before, she would watch this guy also make out with another chick in front of her face. Since she obviously was upset, I thought that it would be best to leave.

When I pulled her outside to make the 6 building walk to our townhouse, I realized I had to puke. I went off to the bushes with Leela holding my hair back. This actually was the highlight of my night because as I was dryheaving, some drunk guy who had been pissing by us, came up to me and said, “You know, you’re a really good dancer!” All I could say was, “Are you fucking kidding me? I’m puking, get the fuck outta here!”

I probably should have asked him out on a date. It’s not often that a guy compliments a girl while she’s vomiting in the grass outside a fraternity house in her panties.