While You Were Sleeping

October 2009

I was on another guys’ night out with Fresh, his roommate, Roger, and other law students. The night was pretty uneventful other than Fresh’s roommate attempting to hold my hand on the way back to the car, and Roger throwing me over his shoulder and spinning me around and in the process of dropping me, he also fell over. I have a visible scar on my elbow from that night. Anyway, when we got back to Fresh’s place the guys wanted to play poker. I was tired and crashed in Fresh’s bed, but not before a wingman tried to get me to sleep in Fresh’s roommate’s room. This is the conversation I missed while I was passed out.

Fresh’s Roommate: So why is she sleeping in your bed?
Fresh: I don’t know
Fresh’s Roommate: Are you guys going to cuddle?
Fresh: No, we never cuddle
Fresh’s Roommate: So why did she choose your bed?
Fresh: I don’t know, because we’re friends
Fresh’s Roommate: Are you going to do anything with her in your bed?
Fresh: No, we’re friends
Fresh’s Roommate: So why is she in your bed again?

White It Out

Hawk: Are you doing this “White It Out” thing?
Lynx: What?
Hawk: Oh wait, it’s just my section.
Lynx: Oh I see how it is, trying to be all elite and shit.
Hawk: They want everyone to wear white to class to “White It Out.” I may wear red
Lynx: You’re going to look like a spot on a tampon
Hawk: Okay that’s gross! I’m not doing that

Chapter 15: Sexual Offenses

I was listening to my colleague bitch about a 70 page reading we had to do in Criminal Law. Our prof usually gives us 20 pages of reading to do, so the jump to 70 was quite a big deal. The chapter is titled Sexual Offenses.

Guy: Get cracking!

Lynx: Well when I get home at 2 or 3, I have the rest of the day and night to work on Crim. I’ll try and come up with some questions for grandpa (our prof), “So say there’s two horny kids…”

Guy: Haha. Hypos.That could go awfully wrong tomorrow

Lynx: I thought it was interesting that he’s saving sexual offenses for one day. Yeah, I prolly will offend some people who say “Its called lovemaking..not fucking.”

Guy:Haha

Lynx: “Oh excuse me, I FUCK!” lol

Dodecahedron of Lust

Lynx <—> Mr. Star  Hooked up and trying to bone each other

Talyn —-> Mr. Star   She wants his nuts

Mr. Star <—> Floppy   They’re friends

Lynx —-> Floppy Wants to impress him because they are buddies BUT

Floppy —-> Talyn        He wants her vag

So now the equation looks like this:

Lynx <—> Mr. Star <—- Talyn <—- Floppy

And that doesn’t even involve the other girls who hate me because I hooked up with Mr. Star or the other guys trying to get a piece of me.

Ginaboxing

Lynx: Did you ever think about not cockblocking people this weekend?

Classmate 1: I’m not cockblocking anyone except for you.

Classmate 2: He can’t cockblock you, that’s physically impossible.

Lynx: Fine, boxblocking. Boxblocking…that’s a tongue twister. I don’t know if I like it. Vagblocking?

Classmate 2: That sounds better.

Lynx: Fuck it. What about “Ginaboxing?”

Classmate 3: What is that?

Lynx: It’s going to be the new “Scissor me timbers!”

Classmate 1: But it sounds so violent!

Lynx: Lesbians like it rough too!

Shave that shit

Lynx: So Mr. Star is sitting 2 seats from me, I can’t think haha He manscapes

Bad-Ass: Haha I guess he would. And HOW do you know that without sleeping with him? No. Don’t answer. It’s creepy either way lol.

Bald Balls

Classmate: I manscaped today. I’m totally bald

Lynx: That’s a waste of time! You could have been briefing!

Classmate: I know, but I had to.

Lynx: Florida giving you swamp balls eh? That’s gross.

Classmate: You love it, now they’re dry. Like powder.

Lynx: I wonder if David Beckham does that…

Classmate: Why are we talking about my balls?

Lynx: No we’re talking about David Beckham’s balls and how his wife snorts cocaine off them.

Classmate: Well she probably does it when he’s erect.

Lynx: That’s so awkward!