Guy: if it isn’t a truly beautiful asian

Lynx: Thanks and good morning!

Guy: hey i don’t forget beautiful asians, even if they do move away! tear cause you moved away though

Lynx: lol I might be back one day

Guy: haha I will be married by then to my job. i won’t lie Lynx, i always wanted you. i know you weren’t looking or still aren’t looking to settle down but you always caught my eye

Lynx: aw you’re sweet

Guy: haha which translates into “you never stood a chance”

Oscara: I need to work out. I feel gross and want to lay out today

Lynx: I want to do happy hour but prolly won’t happen. I want to be in the sun but kinda don’t want to lay out because I hate tan lines

Oscara: I can deal with tan lines as long as I’m tan

Lynx: I hate having my boobs and cooch different colors than the rest of my body. I hate seeing that in porn.

Oscara: Hahaha well I guess I don’t watch enough porn to have an opinion.

Lynx: Well I don’t watch anymore but you get the idea. I don’t like thinking about it. And then when you’re fucking someone and I have to look down and see that when I’m on top, blah.

Oscara: haha I don’t really care

Lynx: I care! I have to look perfect even during sex!

Oscara: I like the tan lines because of the contrast of the skin of how amazingly tan I am when I was gross pale

Lynx: No cuz the guy is more than likely pale for the both of us!

Floppy: So does it bother you that I smoke [cigarettes]?

Lynx: No. Should it?

Floppy: I don’t know, some people are bothered by it. I just wanted to know if you had a problem.

Lynx: It definitely would have bothered me more when I was younger. I wouldn’t give you the time of day. But now, it just doesn’t matter anymore.

Floppy: Wow, well I’m glad I met you now that you have lowered your standards for guys.

I met a fellow Chicago-an. This was a grown ass man who carried a little T-rex toy with him everywhere. He took pictures of this dinosaur as if it were the traveling gnome (you know what commercial I’m referring to, right?). It seems funny at first but then you think about it. This guy in his thirties, with a nine ball forehead, and hobbity. He thought I was hitting on him, so he dropped “Oh my girlfriend is in medical school.” Hahaha and she signed up for a guy who can’t be separated from his toys?

Anyway some things were being passed around and I found myself sitting alone on a couch, seeing double, and trying really hard to be “grown up.” Whatever that means, right?

Lynx: Fuuuuck tired at an adult party in Miami ahhh
Bad-Ass: Enlightening
Lynx: Paranoid sitting in a corner. Why couldn’t there be cheese. Falling asleep

The next morning Bad-Ass sent back my text message, that I didn’t remember sending in the first place of course, and I have to admit it wasn’t one of my finer moments lol.

Bad-Ass: That was fucking brilliant I wasn’t even going to chastise you for not being more entertaining whilst [partying] after the first one haha

Lynx: What would you do if you were in San Francisco?
Bad-Ass: You really want to know?
Lynx: Yes
Bad-Ass: Find a Chinese woman and bang her through a brick wall. That’s about it. Maybe the Golden Gate.
Lynx: LMAO

I received a phone call from Woo Woo Mayer one night while I was getting ready to go out. The plan? Get drunk and bone. Woo Woo Mayer somehow thinks I’m the type to wine and dine.

Woo Woo Mayer: Hey what’s up?

Lynx: Oh just getting ready…

Woo Woo Mayer: What are you doing tonight?

Lynx: Floppy is coming to get me and then we’re going to Baldwin or Ale House, or staying here and watching a movie.

Woo Woo Mayer: Oh wow, that’s getting pretty serious.

Lynx: -trying hard not to laugh at Woo Woo Mayer- Yeah…let’s hope I have fun tonight.

I’m not gonna be a mother, happy birthday to me!

Bad-Ass: What’s this about not being preggers?

Lynx: haha I’m not preggers Did I not tell you that I had to get Plan B because Floppy is trying to make Flop-A-Lynxettes with me?

Bad-Ass: LOL You say it like he’s breeding you

Lynx: Dude he totally is trying to sire bastard children!

Bad-Ass: Sow his wild oats in you lol

Bad-Ass: Ooh

Lynx: Dude he may be coming out for my party Fri night. I dont know WHO else is coming out…this could be very interesting

Bad-Ass: hahahahaha ”Interesting” always seems to involve you getting dizzy drunk, yelling at your best friends, making no sense when you text/call me, and having bad sex. Are you sure you really WANT “interesting” at this point? lol

Lynx: LMAO

Lynx: He’s up for hanging out but doesn’t want to go downtown
Oscara: Niceee Have him to come and hang out at your place? You know he is probably expecting to get some, right?
Lynx: Yeah
Oscara: Ok lol
Lynx: Mama’s overdue
Oscara: hahahaha Love it
Lynx: And she is going to make his dick work
Oscara: I believe in him! lol and no studded condoms this time lol

Here’s a rather public conversation I had right before class started.

Classmate: So you’re going to Spain? Gonna get some nice European men? I saw you getting down on Saturday. Blondie was all over you. I saw that shit. Did you take him home? Did he take you home? [It's a work in progress.] Didn’t look like there was a lot of work to be done!