Summer 2008
It all started one evening at Diamond Jim’s. Mr. Wiggles and I were having some drinks and nachos. Bernard, an acquaintance to me but we shared mutual friends, came in and chatted with us. Bernard said he’d take me out on a date. I laughed at him. I really did. This happens a lot when guys ask me out and of course they take it the wrong way. However in this case, there was no chance in hell that I would ever date him. I didn’t need his pity or his hopeful sights set on me. When I told everyone else what happened, they also thought it would be strange for me and Bernard to be romantically involved. Mr. Wiggles asked me if I would at least sleep with the guy, to which I vehemently said no, Bernard was too skinny for my tastes and that I would break him.
Fast forward two months as summer was coming to a close. Lyle Harris and I went to Bandito’s to meet up with Maldonado for drinks. I get there and Bernard and his creepy older brother are there. Bernard comes up to me, I see that he’s already drunk and there’s this look in his eyes. Then he touched my arm, almost a caress that’s reserved for people who both like each other or for people who are intimate, and that’s when I looked over to Maldonado and telepathically said “What the fuck is this kid doing?” Bernard saw this and got offended that I would ruin this moment with a glance to Maldonado. I quickly dragged Lyle Harris to another area of the bar where we could talk privately about matters of the heart. Lyle kept receiving texts from Bernard while we were talking, “Where are you guys?” Lyle ignored the texts and we kept talking until Bernard sits down at our table and says, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you guys. What’s up?” We were no longer able to talk with Bernard there and I became irritated.
And then the shit hit the fan.
Bernard: So how come we never hang out?
Lynx: Uh I’m busy.
Bernard: You never call me.
Lynx: Last time I checked the phone works both ways. I’ve tried calling you but you never do anything, so I stopped calling.
Bernard: Why won’t you go out with me? Why do you hate me?
Lynx: You really want to know why I won’t hang out with you?
Bernard: It’s because you hate me.
Lynx: I won’t hang out with you because you’re a FUCKING HORNBALL!
There. It was out. No beating around the bush. Bernard completely broke down after hearing that. Just sat at the table while Lyle and I went back to chatting about small stuff. Bernard wouldn’t look at either of us, didn’t say a word. He sat there and he sulked. Maldonado appeared at the table and noticed the sulking, “What’s wrong with this guy?” And then Bernard got up and left in a huff. I then told Maldonado what had transpired. Bernard came back to the table after 10 minutes, and once again would not say a word to anyone. Lyle, Maldonado and I decided we wanted to leave to get Wendy’s munchies. However Maldonado had to give Bernard a ride home before we could do so.
Lyle rode in my car while Maldonado escorted Bernard’s drunk ass back. Bernard lives 2 houses away from Lyle, so we all came back to the same place. Maldonado came over to me and said, “All he could talk about in the car was how you called him a hornball. He’s pretty upset right now.”
Maldonado, Lyle and I piled into my car. And then for whatever reason, Bernard got into the back seat. No one had invited him. He didn’t say a word, wouldn’t look at at anyone. I looked at Maldonado who was sitting next to me, he had no clue what was happening. It wasn’t enough that I had called him out at Bandito’s? I didn’t want to be a further bitch, so I let Bernard stay in my car. I pretended he wasn’t there. When we got back home, Bernard said to me as he was getting out, “I’m sorry I ruined your night.” I bit my tongue but in my head I thought, “You didn’t ruin my night. You have to matter in order to do that, and you don’t mean anything to me.”
It would be another 6 months before I ever saw or heard from him again.
