Tiki House Visit

August 2006

It was the beginning of move-in weekend at NIU. I was partying it up at the Kutcher House despite having just transferred to another school. I was standing outside talking to some of the Kutcher guys when I received a text from Jack, wanting to meet up later that night. He just started graduate school at NIU but his dumbass went home to Carol Stream for the weekend, while I went to Dekalb in hopes of running into him. Ironic. I moved quickly and texted Leo, I knew he was in town visiting his fraternity, the Tiki House.

Lynx: We should totally fuck tonight.
Leo: I’m in Dekalb, what about you?
Lynx: 4 houses down, with the Kutcher Boys.
Leo: Come on over, I’ll be on the third floor.

I met up with him and his best friend, Jean-Luc, in some brother’s room. Of course it was filled with girls. I sat next to Leo on the couch while Jean-Luc handed me beers. I was a little uncomfortable only because even though I had been to the Tiki House enough, they were not my friends and I still was a Kutcher girl. I  didn’t know these girls that kept putting their hands on Leo and telling him how hot he was. I found the whole thing entertaining. I remember thinking if I had cared about him at this point in time, I should have been jealous. But I didn’t give a damn. However I was growing impatient. I thought I was going to show up, have a beer, bone, and then get back to the Kutcher House. He was actually making me hang out with everyone.

When people began passing out, Leo tried finding a place for us to go. He graduated the previous spring and no longer lived at the house. We ran into a brother who was going to some skank’s apartment and said we could have his room. If I took the time to think about it, I could tell you how many months it had been since Leo and I saw each other last. We had just gotten reacquainted with each other through AIM a couple weeks earlier. I knew that Leo hadn’t had sex in 5 or 6 months due to a pregnancy scare with some other girl. He wanted to get back into the game and I was more than willing to help a “friend” out.

Leo tried to kiss me. Since he made me wait, I wasn’t in the mood for the usual moves that lead to sex. It was happening and it sure as hell didn’t need kissing to initiate it. I was drunk and climbed on top of him. We fucked a lot that night, it still holds my record, but I can’t remember if we started with clothes on or if it all came off later. I was wearing a skirt that night, so it’s possible I rode him with it on. The frat house doesn’t have air conditioning and the room we fucked in only had a ceiling fan which didn’t do us any good.

After having sex the third time (but not the last time), I lay on the futon, spent and satisfied. I was too tired to move away from Leo. On the verge of drifting to sleep, I heard someone at the door playing with the knob. It was locked so this drunk resourceful person successfully keyed the door (why did I never have this luck??). Leo and I were completely nude when the drunk person, a Tiki brother, walked in on us. He was pretty surprised at the sight of us. I didn’t try to cover myself, it was way too damn hot.

Tiki Brother: What the hell is going on here?
Leo: Umm…
Tiki Brother: Dude [room's owner] said I could crash here.
Leo: Yeah…I’m sorry man. As you can see the room’s a bit occupied. I owe you next time!

After he left we had sex again, and again, and again- well you get the point. I would have loved to tell you we fucked that many times without kissing once, and you can blame me for this one, but his face was way too close to mine so I just went for his mouth. And as I once told Boomp, “It didn’t mean anything!” It’s good that Leo was able to unleash on me. After I was dropped off at my car in the morning, Leo and Jean-Luc went paintballing. It was Leo’s first time and lucky him, he got shot in the dick. It was blue and black for a while.

Ando Almost Kills The Lynx

January/February 2005

Leela and I were drinking at the Kutcher House. For whatever reason Leela and I stepped outside and saw that Ando, brother in the House of David, was outside drunk having a smoke next to his car. At the time these two fraternities were right next to each other. We ran over to him to say hi. I jumped on him in my excitement. Now Ando is a big guy. Large in physique and muscular.  I thought he could handle a 140 pound girl. Yeah well I jump on him and the next thing I know, BAM! The fucker dropped me on the car! He wasn’t prepared for all that Lynx loving. When he fell, he twisted and we landed on the car. The wind was knocked out of me because Ando’s large body was crushing me.

Ando: Oh my God, are you okay?
Lynx: -can’t breathe-
Ando: Lynx, ARE YOU OKAY??
Lynx: -still can’t breathe-
Ando: Say something!
Lynx: Dying!
Ando: Oh my God! I killed Lynx!

Jumping on drunk people is a bad idea. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t learn my lesson. I’ve been dropped/fallen since this night.

Kutcher House Reunion

April 2008

I was in Dekalb for a Kutcher House reunion at Alfonso’s place. It was really good to see everyone together again. I wish I could remember more about this night, I do know Riley’s was the last place I drank before going back to Alfonso’s apartment.  April was a terrible month for me personally. I was a broken Lynx.  I tried to put my happy face on for the guys, but it just wasn’t working. I loved the guys but it was just too hard to be in Dekalb so soon after getting the news I received. 

Beer Muscles’ old roommate Arnold walked me back to Alfonso’s apartment. I poured my heart out to  Arnold and he was no help to me. So I called Alfonso’s girlfriend over since she was still up. She couldn’t help me either. Alfonso’s roommate was gone that weekend so Arnold put me to sleep in the empty room. I woke up hours later to drunk Bobby Blue breaking into the room to try and talk to me. He was one of the last people I wanted to see. I also knew that he was going to try and hook up with me.

 

Bobby Blue: “Why are you in here?”
Lynx: “I’m trying to sleep, obviously!”
Bobby Blue: “What’s wrong?”
Lynx: “Nothing is wrong! Just leave me alone!”
Bobby Blue: “Something is wrong! I would be a bad friend if I left you alone! Now tell me what’s wrong!”
Lynx: “I don’t want to talk to you about it, just fucking go, please. I don’t want you here.”
Bobby Blue: “See! Something’s wrong with you! I knew it!”
Lynx: “I will fucking rip your balls off if you do not get the fuck out of the room so I can sleep.”

 

He finally left when Arnold came to check up on me. I begged Arnold to stay in the room with me because I knew Bobby Blue would try to come back in. Sure enough, Bobby Blue broke in again. He just could not leave me alone. When he saw that Arnold was lying next to me, he assumed that we were trying to screw and immediately was like  ”Oh sorry man, didn’t know you were in here” and left. 

We woke  up to screaming and yelling a couple hours after that. The Cuban was very hurt (emotionally) and was bitching at the other guys. It was brotherhood type of shit. I had no idea what was going on since I left the bars early, but I was getting irritated because my sleep was being disturbed. Like seriously, I don’t remember  there being all this fucking drama when I hung out with them before.  Once again, I loved these guys, but they were acting like a bunch of girls. 

During the night/morning I was rolling around and knocked my phone off the lofted bed into some corner. I climbed over Arnold, trying not to wake him and then started climbing over boxes that were underneath the bed. Everything was fine until I got stuck. Yes. I got stuck underneath a lofted bed. I couldn’t move forward and I couldn’t move to the side. I just about started bawling my eyes out, I’d been through so much shit that week and here I was trapped under the fucking bed. Thank God that Arnold awoke and helped me out.

Reunionwise, I think it actually turned out to be a terrible one. I’ve done my best to avoid Bobby Blue since that night.

Kellach and Oklahoma Joe

April 2005

I was hooking up with this guy named Kellach. He was pledging the Kutcher House and I broke my “No hooking up with guys in the frat you hang out with” rule for him. It was only because I had known him before he began pledging.

The previous semester, on the first day of class for Greek Mythology, I saw this really cute guy (Kellach) come in. He was a couple seats over and the next day, I had the balls to actually come in, sit down right next to him (first time I have ever done this), and strike up a conversation. I thought things were going well and the next time we had class, he didn’t sit next to me. I was a little disappointed and thought okay, I guess he’s just not into Asians. It also affected me so much that I never sat next to a cute guy again. When I come into a room, I try to sit the farthest away from any attractive guy. I wouldn’t find out until the next semester that he was too intimidated to sit next to me again.   

One weekend Kellach and his roommate/fellow pledge Pavel, had a buddy Oklahoma Joe come out to visit. I was with other some of their pledge mates when we ran into each other at a party. Having met Oklahoma Joe before, we talked a bit to catch up with each other. After a few hours we were hungry and decided to get drunk food. I asked the other Kutcher guys if they wanted to go with us, and everyone said no. Oklahoma Joe and I walked back to the Kutcher House to get his car and then drove over to the Barn (present day Riley’s).

We just got done ordering when Kellach walked in with Loki. When he saw that Oklahoma Joe and I were sitting together, he didn’t look too happy. Kellach sat down at a table right next to us, making it even more awkward for me and Oklahoma Joe. He barely said a word. Loki, who was trying to make small talk with us, was totally ignorant that Kellach was pissed off.

Lynx: “Are you fucking kidding me? He followed us here?”

Oklahoma Joe: “He’s so mad right now! “

Lynx: “I asked him to get food with us! He didn’t want to, why would he be mad?”

Oklahoma Joe: “Kellach probably thinks I’m trying to bang his girl.”

Lynx: “I can’t believe this, it’s bullshit. We’re not even going out! I am not his girl!”

Kellach got jealous easily. There were a lot of things I did that would set him off. I didn’t always do it on purpose, but sometimes this was a game I liked to play. In my game, I still let a guy know in my own way that I would never touch someone else. Maybe Kellach realized that. Maybe he didn’t. It was something that repeated itself numerous times.    

He didn’t want to claim me, but everyone else in the house knew that more or less I was his, even if he didn’t say it. During this time of my youth, if I didn’t use you for sex, then I was in some sort of twisted unofficially-together-sexing situation. We were very much the latter. He was the one to say “I don’t want a relationship” (when I didn’t even have that on my mind) and yet he couldn’t let me go.

That night, Kellach was jealous and upset enough to follow me to the Barn and check up on me. I don’t know if it was to make sure that Oklahoma wasn’t putting the moves on me or vice versa. Loki left on his own and then it was just Kellach, Oklahoma Joe, me, and more awkward silence.    

Kellach wound up driving Oklahoma Joe’s car and dropped me off at my townhouse. The elephant in the car wasn’t brought up. I don’t know if Oklahoma Joe ever tried to say something to him after I walked into my place. This incident was never something we talked about.

I didn’t do anything wrong and yet we didn’t fuck again for the rest of the semester.

Why I Stopped Talking to Leo for 8 Months

January 2006

Leo asked me to go to a party in the city with him. I had nothing going on so I said sure. I met up with Leo, his friends Gallagher, Jacques and Jacques’ Guatemalan girlfriend in Palos Hills. This is where Jacques lived. Leo and I had just started hanging out after a long hiatus, so it was really weird meeting his friends. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see them again, because I wasn’t sure myself if I was going to see Leo again. That’s when they broke the news to me that we were going to an Ethiopian party.

A what? We have those? Apparently so.

There was no going back. In the car it was revealed that Gallagher was a Kutcher House boy from Eastern Illinois University. Of course I got excited since I was very good friends with the Kutcher House boys at Northern Illinois. So we started chattering away about fraternity stuff. I think Leo got jealous that we weren’t talking about his fraternity, the Tiki House. You know how there’s always some slight rivalry between houses when it comes to girls, no matter how friendly the boys are with one another. This is when Leo admitted, “I didn’t want to tell you he was a Kutcher boy in case you got wet for him.”

We rolled in and I was with the only three white guys in the entire place, along with the only Guatemalan and myself being the only Asian. Slightly uncomfortable, but the Ethiopians were pretty friendly. Jacques and the Guatemalan took all these cute couple pictures and then they kept trying to make Leo and I take the same cute couple pictures. I said no. They thought I was like a girlfriend figure (I thought Leo had obviously not told them the full history about us) and I was nothing close to being that girlfriend figure.

He wasn’t paying attention to me towards the end of the night and some Ethiopian guy started dancing with me. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but Leo came over and moved me over to dance with him. This night is the only time Leo and I have ever danced together. Let me tell you, for a tall white guy, he’s got moves. I couldn’t wait to get back to Jacques’ apartment to put those moves to use.

I fell asleep next to Leo on the ride home. Gallagher was on the other side of him. Leo put his sport jacket over me in case I got cold. Or so I thought. I woke up to Leo’s hand underneath my skirt doing some exploration. Damn did it feel good! I quickly looked around the car to see if anyone else noticed. I hoped that I would be able to keep quiet if he got me off before we arrived at Jacques’ apartment.

When we got back, Jacques, the Guatemalan, and Gallagher went into their respective rooms. Leo and I got down to business, “I can’t believe you’re still wet!” Right before insertion we had one of those moments where Leo had to text Jacques for condoms. Come on really, do you have to let him know you’re going to bang me? He’s going to hear it in about 10 minutes anyway!

The next morning I was feeling sick. I threw my skirt back on and walked topless to the bathroom, hands over my boobs. You know, so I could be semi-decent in case someone came out. I started puking in the toilet. The room was even spinning. I managed to make it back to the mattress Leo and I had been sleeping on, not sure if I had woken him up. Bad Lynx, my puking had woken him. He asked me if I was okay, I said yes. He then asked if I was sure there wasn’t anything was wrong with me. No, nothing was wrong with me. Leo started rubbing my back and I fell asleep again.

Later that evening, when we were home, Leo was talking to me on AIM. He once again brought up the puking situation, asking if I was okay. And then he launched into this jackass rant.

Leo: “The kid is not mine. We just had sex last night and it takes 2 weeks for symptoms to show. You’re pregnant and you better not try to say that I’m the father.”
Lynx: “Are you fucking kidding me?? Pregnant?? I’m not pregnant!”
Leo: “You were puking this morning! I’m not going to throw my life away over a baby! It’s not mine!”
Lynx: “I was puking this morning because I had been drinking, fucking asshole!! Not because I’m pregnant!”
Leo: “What? Oh…so you’re really not pregnant?”
Lynx: “For the last time, I’m not fucking pregnant!”

I was so furious with him. Absolutely fucking livid that he would think I was one of those girls who would either throw someone else’s baby on him or that I would use a baby excuse to keep him. He let me calm down for 2 weeks. I was at Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum’s house that weekend when Leo texted me, saying I should come out to Palos Hills to hang out with him and Jacques.

Leo: “Are you coming?”
Lynx: “Is it worth it?”
Leo: “I dunno…is it?”
Lynx: “You’re not. I’m not going to see you. Good night”

It wouldn’t be until August 2006 that I would unleash my sexual fury on him again. 

McDonald’s Drive-Thru

Fall 2006

I was back in Dekalb visiting the Kutcher House. Bobby Blue, Alfonso and I decided to head out to Molly’s to get drunk. We then went to McDonald’s for drunk munchies. Alfonso was driving and when we showed up, there was a line for the drive-thru. We were not the only drunk kids who wanted chubby cheeseburgers (I once waited an hour from 3 am to 4 am to get food at this same location) The following conversation happened before we could make it to the order box.

Bobby Blue: “So am I a great lay or what, Lynx?”
Lynx: “Excuse me?”
Bobby Blue: “I’m the best thing that ever happened to you!”
Lynx: -laughing because it’s totally not true-
Bobby Blue: “You want me, I want you, we should date!”
Lynx: “You’re out of your goddamn mind. I would never date you! I have never wanted you. “
Bobby Blue: “WHY DON’T YOU WANT ME? I CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU!”
Lynx: “YOU’RE A FUCKING SCUMBAG, WHY WOULD I WANT YOU??”

Alfonso was forgotten by both of us until he chose to speak up at this moment, “Okay guys…I’m pretty sure that the car behind us heard you…as well as the black girls who are 3 cars down aaaaand the rest of the people in line to get food. But don’t let that stop you two.”

In our drunken state we forgot the windows of Alfonso’s truck were rolled down all the way, and we had just aired our dirty laundry in front of all of Dekalb. This was not the first or the last time I would have a yelling match in public.

NIU Homecoming

I haven’t been to Northern’s Homecoming in 2 years. Homecoming 2006 I missed because I chose go drinking with Butch and his roommate Slim at Durty Nellies (a bar). By the way, I wound up puking 18 times that night/morning and I think I still to this day have never experienced pain like that day. Last year I missed homecoming again but don’t remember why, I was working or paintballing that weekend. I glad I went this year. On my way into town I picked up K-Ho and we met up with my friends, from the Kutcher House, at Fatty’s (a bar). With the exception of JLo, who me and K-Ho met up with in Wrigleyville a couple weeks earlier, I hadn’t seen The Cuban and Joey Blue since my graduation party over the summer. Of course upon entering, The Cuban and Joey Blue were fast at work trying to charm panties off the ladies.

Joey Blue came over later to smother me with kisses. At some point he asked about K-Ho and for whatever reason we told him jokingly that we were scissor lovers. Drunk Joey Blue didn’t quite understand this concept, so we had to explain it to him. It comes from South Park, watch this episode and you’ll understand: http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/103210/

K-Ho: Not like scissors that cut paper (making cutting motion with fingers) but like uh uh kinda scissors (scissoring motion with fingers)
Lynx: SCISSOR ME TIMBERS!!!

When it hit Joey Blue what we meant, he fell to the ground. All the blood had rushed to his genitals.

After having some drinks and food, JLo, K-Ho and I walked over to Molly’s (a bar). Oddly enough I ran into two people I knew on my way to the bathroom. As in I was standing in line and when I looked out the door, I saw- on different occasions, two guys that I knew (one of them rather intimately). So of course the drunk fool I am, I’m screaming in the bathroom, “B– M—-!!!” and “FAT KID!!”

Well when I got out of the bathroom, me, JLo and K-Ho did some grape bombs and Soco with lime shots. I rarely do shots when I go out. I’m a beer drinker and I like to get drunk that way. But after all the shots I did, I was balls to the wall for a drunk Natty. We ran into Kiefer and company sitting at some tables outside. One of his buddies was sitting quietly next to me. I decided to drunkenly keep talking to him until he got talkative. Just to be nice since he claimed to not know anyone other than Kiefer. Well I didn’t really have any success with that so when a shot girl came around and K-Ho took pity upon her and bought a shot, I also bought a round of shots so we could get even more rowdy.

Shortly after Kiefer buying us a round, K-Ho and I departed Molly’s for Greek Row. She wanted to see her friend Chasky (which wasn’t his real name but I was too drunk to say it right) at the Tiki House. To your left you will see the trek we made. The paw prints show where we deviated and took a short cut. We did make a drunk stop at a playground for 30 minutes. We took pictures of ourselves on the slide, on the monkey bars, and on the swings. This scary person even stopped and asked us for a cigarette.

K-Ho and I started drinking from the keg, we don’t know what the hell we were drinking, in the words of K-Ho, “I love gummy beer! This tastes like gummy bears!!” I bothered the pledges asking them where they kept their composites. They weren’t that big of a help. They were so adorable I just wanted to take their heads to my chest and make them motorboat me. Upon the keg running dry, we decided to go back to Molly’s. However it was cold and it was a long walk. The pledges offered to drive us, but they didn’t have a car. Now tell me how a designated driver can be a designated driver if they don’t have a car?? Well we made the 1.16 mile trek back to Molly’s.

More of the Kutcher boys showed up: Loki, Alfonso, Beer Muscles, and Pavel. Now all the Kutcher boys were smitten with K-Ho when they met her. I am just now mentioning this, but for good reason. Pavel and I have never had a reason to really talk to each other in our acquaintance. Oh but he was more friendly than usual and I knew why. I chuckled to myself because honestly I had never seen Pavel do this, not even from afar. He even had me put his number in my phone just to make sure he would see K-Ho again that night.

And then at one point I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and a cop was standing there. All I heard was “I.D. please” and I seriously thought it was a joke. Why the hell would a cop be in a bar asking for I.D.s? I fork it over while K-Ho sticks hers in her teeth, teasing the officer. And because I still thought it was some big joke, I asked the officer, “Are you a stripper??” I don’t know why I thought he was a stripper. I was afraid though that he was going to rip his shirt off once we passed the age check haha. I mean I was drunk, he looked pretty decent and muscular underneath his shirt to be a stripper! Turns out it was an officer that Loki worked with. And Loki told him to give me and K-Ho a hard time. Even funnier, this officer turned out to be her roommate’s ex-boyfriend’s uncle. Small world! We asked for a picture and apparently The Cuban was trying to steal the officer’s gun from the holster.

When it came time to leave Molly’s, Beer Muscles decided to pick a fight with a random drunk guy. All of a sudden we hear Beer Muscles say some whack ass shit and some dude comes over and they start having words while puffing out their chests. You know. That thing that men do. The Cuban and JLo managed to prevent a fight from breaking out. And then I don’t know what happened between the parking lot of Molly’s and us trying to get across the street to Fatty’s. Angry Drunk Natty came out and she started yelling and swearing. I think I actually scared some of them. While I do kind of know why I got angry, I will not share it in this entry.

We went separate ways for the rest of the night. JLo went to go find some buddies, The Cuban and Beer Muscles went to some townhouse, while me and K-Ho went back to her apartment to pass out. The next morning I saw that Beer Muslces sent me a text saying that at 4 am him and The Cuban did not have a place to stay, and K-Ho tells me that JLo lost his hotel room key. I asked JLo about it later that day, because seriously, how the hell does that happen?

Lynx: “How did you lose your room key??”
JLo: “I dunno. I think I gave it as a credit card to the bartender and when he gave it back I said ‘Oops!’ and I threw it over my shoulder.”