Lynx and Floppy, part 2

Was at a bar last weekend. Floppy happened to be there and let’s just say that he made it known not only to me, but to everyone else in the bar that he wanted to rekindle things (we totally hooked up last semester). Being not as drunk as I was before, I declined from PDA so that I wouldn’t add to the gossip fodder. Well despite that, everyone saw us all but jump each other’s bones at the bar and they thought we went home together anyway.

Here’s a rather public conversation I had right before class started.

Classmate: So you’re going to Spain? Gonna get some nice European men? I saw you getting down on Saturday. Blondie was all over you. I saw that shit. Did you take him home? Did he take you home? [It's a work in progress.] Didn’t look like there was a lot of work to be done!

Rousseau’s New Girl

Things have since gone terribly bad with the neighbor, Rousseau. I have to see them together EVERY FUCKING DAY. I now realize why I liked my “long distance” relationships so much. I didn’t have to see them with their new bitches! I haven’t had to be in this situation since high school.

Lynx: If you have to be this UGLY to have a better personality than me, God bless him for doing a community service! She needs to walk around with a bag on her head.

Oscara: A potato sack on her head. It’s more sturdy and you won’t have to worry about it tearing and revealing that hideous face.

When Booty Doesn’t Call

I was hanging out with a new friend. We were back at his place with drunk munchies. Let me take a second to tell you how I was ripped off by McDonald’s. I ordered a cheeseburger Happy Meal (Buttersauce has me drunkenly hooked on these things ever since one night on the way home from Alumni) expecting a kick-ass toy. And what did I get? A FUCKING KIDZ BOP CD. What the fuck?? who the hell wants that? As we were watching tv, a commercial for Burger King came on and they had G.I. Joe toys promoting the new movie. I was so pissed! But anyway, we were hanging out and he seemed perturbed by the fact that I talk to my friends via text so late in the night. I’m being nice. Truth was, he was thinking that his odds for hooking up were dwindling.

Gentleman: Who is blowing up your phone at 1 am?

Lynx: Oh it’s Bad-Ass from St. Louis. Don’t worry, I haven’t been here long enough to get booty calls.

Love. Love? Love,

When my attempts at reading in-between the lines of textual conversations involves punctuation.

Honey: -imitating a guy- Crazy bitch…why doesn’t she like me? I’m totally in love with her!
Lyle Harris: There was a period!

The Road Runner

July 2008

Trying to decide on names for a Field Day team.

Lynx: What about “Caucus Blockus”?
Lyle Harris: That would be your name if you were a road runner.

Like A Virgin Mary

One winter/spring break we were all in Scruffelhauser’s basement drinking. Scruffelhauser and I were talking about adult things like getting a ball and chain, starting a family, buying houses, etc. I think I told him that I wanted all those things but without the ball and chain, or that I didn’t want to do it in the order that everyone wanted me to do it in. Should I give birth to my own offspring? Should I adopt? And the answer is…

Lynx: I can have kids without sex.

Scruffelhauser: Lynx, you’re not the Virgin Mary!

Maria Florencia Onori; Mexican Playboy, Dec 2008

Vegas Sequel

Treasure Island Hotel and Casino

Lynx: “Bad-Ass, we will go back to Vegas before I have my first born child. I promise you this.”

Bad-Ass: “HAHAHA. I was thinking the same thing. We gotta have a sequel to this and do it right someday.”