Tiki House Visit

August 2006

It was the beginning of move-in weekend at NIU. I was partying it up at the Kutcher House despite having just transferred to another school. I was standing outside talking to some of the Kutcher guys when I received a text from Jack, wanting to meet up later that night. He just started graduate school at NIU but his dumbass went home to Carol Stream for the weekend, while I went to Dekalb in hopes of running into him. Ironic. I moved quickly and texted Leo, I knew he was in town visiting his fraternity, the Tiki House.

Lynx: We should totally fuck tonight.
Leo: I’m in Dekalb, what about you?
Lynx: 4 houses down, with the Kutcher Boys.
Leo: Come on over, I’ll be on the third floor.

I met up with him and his best friend, Jean-Luc, in some brother’s room. Of course it was filled with girls. I sat next to Leo on the couch while Jean-Luc handed me beers. I was a little uncomfortable only because even though I had been to the Tiki House enough, they were not my friends and I still was a Kutcher girl. I  didn’t know these girls that kept putting their hands on Leo and telling him how hot he was. I found the whole thing entertaining. I remember thinking if I had cared about him at this point in time, I should have been jealous. But I didn’t give a damn. However I was growing impatient. I thought I was going to show up, have a beer, bone, and then get back to the Kutcher House. He was actually making me hang out with everyone.

When people began passing out, Leo tried finding a place for us to go. He graduated the previous spring and no longer lived at the house. We ran into a brother who was going to some skank’s apartment and said we could have his room. If I took the time to think about it, I could tell you how many months it had been since Leo and I saw each other last. We had just gotten reacquainted with each other through AIM a couple weeks earlier. I knew that Leo hadn’t had sex in 5 or 6 months due to a pregnancy scare with some other girl. He wanted to get back into the game and I was more than willing to help a “friend” out.

Leo tried to kiss me. Since he made me wait, I wasn’t in the mood for the usual moves that lead to sex. It was happening and it sure as hell didn’t need kissing to initiate it. I was drunk and climbed on top of him. We fucked a lot that night, it still holds my record, but I can’t remember if we started with clothes on or if it all came off later. I was wearing a skirt that night, so it’s possible I rode him with it on. The frat house doesn’t have air conditioning and the room we fucked in only had a ceiling fan which didn’t do us any good.

After having sex the third time (but not the last time), I lay on the futon, spent and satisfied. I was too tired to move away from Leo. On the verge of drifting to sleep, I heard someone at the door playing with the knob. It was locked so this drunk resourceful person successfully keyed the door (why did I never have this luck??). Leo and I were completely nude when the drunk person, a Tiki brother, walked in on us. He was pretty surprised at the sight of us. I didn’t try to cover myself, it was way too damn hot.

Tiki Brother: What the hell is going on here?
Leo: Umm…
Tiki Brother: Dude [room's owner] said I could crash here.
Leo: Yeah…I’m sorry man. As you can see the room’s a bit occupied. I owe you next time!

After he left we had sex again, and again, and again- well you get the point. I would have loved to tell you we fucked that many times without kissing once, and you can blame me for this one, but his face was way too close to mine so I just went for his mouth. And as I once told Boomp, “It didn’t mean anything!” It’s good that Leo was able to unleash on me. After I was dropped off at my car in the morning, Leo and Jean-Luc went paintballing. It was Leo’s first time and lucky him, he got shot in the dick. It was blue and black for a while.

Halloween as a Pussycat Doll

Okay so this is really about Halloween 2004, but to preface this I have to sort of explain Halloween 2003.

I had just started hanging out with my future roommate Leela. For my costume I was a Pussycat Doll before they were cool and only a burlesque show. House of David and the Gentleman House were throwing a joint party and my BFFs at the time, Simba and Young Russy (House of David pledges) had to wear man-thongs, and only man-thongs, as their costume. Strangely enough, they got hit on by many girls this night. I got separated from Leela and wound up starting an apartment party across the street from the Jock House. Leela would be all by herself when she witnessed the guy she was seeing (House of David), make out with another girl in front of her and she ended her relationship with him after that. Once I was done with the apartment party, me and some girls went to crash the Tiki House who was having a mixer with a sorority. I barely remembered passing by a guy in a Duff Man costume. I would learn months down the line that this was Leo. 

October 2004

We were back at the Gentlemen House. I was a Pussycat Doll again because I loved it so much. I was one of the few original costumes at parties and no one really had the balls to wear the outfit. Leela wore the same exact costume both years, her booty short panties and a tank top. She was an “underwear model.” Anyway I was lust-struck and kinda followed Scooby Douche around since it was his fraternity. His bitch neighbors tried to infere with us again. I got separated from Lauren. She was seeing our neighbor who happened to be a Gentleman Alum and just like the year before, she would watch this guy also make out with another chick in front of her face. Since she obviously was upset, I thought that it would be best to leave.

When I pulled her outside to make the 6 building walk to our townhouse, I realized I had to puke. I went off to the bushes with Leela holding my hair back. This actually was the highlight of my night because as I was dryheaving, some drunk guy who had been pissing by us, came up to me and said, “You know, you’re a really good dancer!” All I could say was, “Are you fucking kidding me? I’m puking, get the fuck outta here!”

I probably should have asked him out on a date. It’s not often that a guy compliments a girl while she’s vomiting in the grass outside a fraternity house in her panties.

Why I Stopped Talking to Leo for 8 Months

January 2006

Leo asked me to go to a party in the city with him. I had nothing going on so I said sure. I met up with Leo, his friends Gallagher, Jacques and Jacques’ Guatemalan girlfriend in Palos Hills. This is where Jacques lived. Leo and I had just started hanging out after a long hiatus, so it was really weird meeting his friends. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see them again, because I wasn’t sure myself if I was going to see Leo again. That’s when they broke the news to me that we were going to an Ethiopian party.

A what? We have those? Apparently so.

There was no going back. In the car it was revealed that Gallagher was a Kutcher House boy from Eastern Illinois University. Of course I got excited since I was very good friends with the Kutcher House boys at Northern Illinois. So we started chattering away about fraternity stuff. I think Leo got jealous that we weren’t talking about his fraternity, the Tiki House. You know how there’s always some slight rivalry between houses when it comes to girls, no matter how friendly the boys are with one another. This is when Leo admitted, “I didn’t want to tell you he was a Kutcher boy in case you got wet for him.”

We rolled in and I was with the only three white guys in the entire place, along with the only Guatemalan and myself being the only Asian. Slightly uncomfortable, but the Ethiopians were pretty friendly. Jacques and the Guatemalan took all these cute couple pictures and then they kept trying to make Leo and I take the same cute couple pictures. I said no. They thought I was like a girlfriend figure (I thought Leo had obviously not told them the full history about us) and I was nothing close to being that girlfriend figure.

He wasn’t paying attention to me towards the end of the night and some Ethiopian guy started dancing with me. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but Leo came over and moved me over to dance with him. This night is the only time Leo and I have ever danced together. Let me tell you, for a tall white guy, he’s got moves. I couldn’t wait to get back to Jacques’ apartment to put those moves to use.

I fell asleep next to Leo on the ride home. Gallagher was on the other side of him. Leo put his sport jacket over me in case I got cold. Or so I thought. I woke up to Leo’s hand underneath my skirt doing some exploration. Damn did it feel good! I quickly looked around the car to see if anyone else noticed. I hoped that I would be able to keep quiet if he got me off before we arrived at Jacques’ apartment.

When we got back, Jacques, the Guatemalan, and Gallagher went into their respective rooms. Leo and I got down to business, “I can’t believe you’re still wet!” Right before insertion we had one of those moments where Leo had to text Jacques for condoms. Come on really, do you have to let him know you’re going to bang me? He’s going to hear it in about 10 minutes anyway!

The next morning I was feeling sick. I threw my skirt back on and walked topless to the bathroom, hands over my boobs. You know, so I could be semi-decent in case someone came out. I started puking in the toilet. The room was even spinning. I managed to make it back to the mattress Leo and I had been sleeping on, not sure if I had woken him up. Bad Lynx, my puking had woken him. He asked me if I was okay, I said yes. He then asked if I was sure there wasn’t anything was wrong with me. No, nothing was wrong with me. Leo started rubbing my back and I fell asleep again.

Later that evening, when we were home, Leo was talking to me on AIM. He once again brought up the puking situation, asking if I was okay. And then he launched into this jackass rant.

Leo: “The kid is not mine. We just had sex last night and it takes 2 weeks for symptoms to show. You’re pregnant and you better not try to say that I’m the father.”
Lynx: “Are you fucking kidding me?? Pregnant?? I’m not pregnant!”
Leo: “You were puking this morning! I’m not going to throw my life away over a baby! It’s not mine!”
Lynx: “I was puking this morning because I had been drinking, fucking asshole!! Not because I’m pregnant!”
Leo: “What? Oh…so you’re really not pregnant?”
Lynx: “For the last time, I’m not fucking pregnant!”

I was so furious with him. Absolutely fucking livid that he would think I was one of those girls who would either throw someone else’s baby on him or that I would use a baby excuse to keep him. He let me calm down for 2 weeks. I was at Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum’s house that weekend when Leo texted me, saying I should come out to Palos Hills to hang out with him and Jacques.

Leo: “Are you coming?”
Lynx: “Is it worth it?”
Leo: “I dunno…is it?”
Lynx: “You’re not. I’m not going to see you. Good night”

It wouldn’t be until August 2006 that I would unleash my sexual fury on him again. 

Dante: Tiki House Sweetheart

Fall 2004

Simba and I were smoking up when Dante came into the room. Within the House of David I had 2 smoking circles that I ran with. Simba and Dante were in the first one, which was the more urban ghetto group. We used Philly blunts, they would do freestyle rapping, and we always ordered beer nuggets. The second group was made up of the stereotypical potheads who loved using glass (pipes, hitters, bongs) to smoke, listened to Sublime every time they smoked up, and we’d drive out to Rockford so we could fulfill our munchies at the Old Country Buffet. 

We hadn’t seen Dante in a while. The three of us and 2 others had formed a really tight smoking circle the previous year, and it looked like Dante was spending more and more time away from us. Where would Dante go? Well he actually spent a significant amount of time at another fraternity house- Tiki House. Dante was a DJ and when he wasn’t spinning for House of David parties, he was usually at Tiki House, gracing the rednecks (I jokingly use this term) with his presence.

So here was Dante in the room with us. Before he could leave and be missing in action for a week or two, Simba chose to call Dante out.

I’m going to give you some information you’ll need to know in order to understand the following insult. For those of you who don’t understand the world of fraternities, when they do composites, they vote on a female to be “House Sweetheart.” This is usually someone’s girlfriend or a really good girl friend of the house.

Simba: “Dante, you are the Tiki House Sweetheart. Man, you joined the wrong fraternity. Can I smoke witchu? Just once? Every time I wanna smoke witchu you’re smoking wit them. Can I get in on that?? I could be the first Black Tiki! I wanna be a Tiki, I want to have bonfires in front of my house. You’re always Tiki this, Tiki that, man next thing you know you’re gonna be on the damn Tiki composite. Dante ——, Tiki House Sweetheart. The Tiki House Bitch. Man put all your hoes together and it still doesn’t equal one-tenth of black in you.”

I, of course, was stoned and laughing my ass off during this.

Rained Out

September 2008

I’m going to start this story out by puking outside a place called Riley’s. I don’t know why, I don’t even think I was that drunk. It was raining hard that night, but not hard enough to hide me. I didn’t really notice the police in the street until K-Ho moved me behind a car and stood in front of me, so they couldn’t see me vomiting in the grass. Boomp had just left us because he had to work in the morning and we were heading to the Blue Blood House to invade a mixer, and meet up with K-Ho’s roommate.

Everything went downhill for me after puking outside Riley’s. For K-Ho, her night was just beginning. When we got to the Blue Blood House she was going room to room, taking shot after shot, getting wild and crazy. At some point we were both sitting on the steps outside the Blue Blood House. There were some security guys that K-Ho and her roommate were talking to. I was starting to fall asleep and would occasionally get up and puke off the side of the house. This lasted for about an hour and when I saw that it was almost 2 am, I made up my mind to get out of there.

I saw K-Ho’s roommate start walking and in my confusion of not knowing what was going on, I started running after her in the rain, thinking that she was going home. Alas, she was going to another party. I then texted or called Boomp, to see if I could walk over and crash at his place. He lived like literally 20 steps away, across the street. Boomp hadn’t really gone to bed yet so he said to come over and I made a mad dash to his place, not that it mattered since I was soaking already because of the rain. I sat there wet on his carpeted floor. Poor Boomp. I was drunk, sad and cold. And he had to be up in 4 hours for work!

I was very sad. Being at Riley’s had done something to me. 3 years earlier Riley’s used to be a place known as the Barn. They served food 24 hours and it was where Leo and I had one of our first meals together. I don’t want to run off on another story, but that same night 3 years ago, I was so drunk when we were chilling at the Tiki House that I flashed some of his brothers. In my defense, other than being drunk, I thought Leo and I were friends at this point. What’s a little flashing between friends? Hmm you know what, maybe this really should be another entry, because this was also the first time Leo and I kissed.

Back to me being sad. I had texted Leo from Riley’s this night. I won’t delve into the specifics of what the situation was between us in September 2008. If you are reading this then you most likely were there with me. But the situation made me very sad and of course, being drunk in a room with Boomp, I proceeded to tell Boomp how much I loved Leo. Despite having to start work at 6:45 am, and it already being a bit past 2 am with a drunk wet girl (who looked like a drowned rat) holding his floor hostage, Boomp put up with me and I will always love him for this.

Boomp went to pass out and I took the couch. At some point I moved to his roommate’s empty bed. I kept puking throughout the night. It was so bad that I had to call in sick to work the next day. K-Ho wound up coming over at 9 am to cuddle with me. Which definitely made up for the puking!

NIU Homecoming

I haven’t been to Northern’s Homecoming in 2 years. Homecoming 2006 I missed because I chose go drinking with Butch and his roommate Slim at Durty Nellies (a bar). By the way, I wound up puking 18 times that night/morning and I think I still to this day have never experienced pain like that day. Last year I missed homecoming again but don’t remember why, I was working or paintballing that weekend. I glad I went this year. On my way into town I picked up K-Ho and we met up with my friends, from the Kutcher House, at Fatty’s (a bar). With the exception of JLo, who me and K-Ho met up with in Wrigleyville a couple weeks earlier, I hadn’t seen The Cuban and Joey Blue since my graduation party over the summer. Of course upon entering, The Cuban and Joey Blue were fast at work trying to charm panties off the ladies.

Joey Blue came over later to smother me with kisses. At some point he asked about K-Ho and for whatever reason we told him jokingly that we were scissor lovers. Drunk Joey Blue didn’t quite understand this concept, so we had to explain it to him. It comes from South Park, watch this episode and you’ll understand: http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/103210/

K-Ho: Not like scissors that cut paper (making cutting motion with fingers) but like uh uh kinda scissors (scissoring motion with fingers)
Lynx: SCISSOR ME TIMBERS!!!

When it hit Joey Blue what we meant, he fell to the ground. All the blood had rushed to his genitals.

After having some drinks and food, JLo, K-Ho and I walked over to Molly’s (a bar). Oddly enough I ran into two people I knew on my way to the bathroom. As in I was standing in line and when I looked out the door, I saw- on different occasions, two guys that I knew (one of them rather intimately). So of course the drunk fool I am, I’m screaming in the bathroom, “B– M—-!!!” and “FAT KID!!”

Well when I got out of the bathroom, me, JLo and K-Ho did some grape bombs and Soco with lime shots. I rarely do shots when I go out. I’m a beer drinker and I like to get drunk that way. But after all the shots I did, I was balls to the wall for a drunk Natty. We ran into Kiefer and company sitting at some tables outside. One of his buddies was sitting quietly next to me. I decided to drunkenly keep talking to him until he got talkative. Just to be nice since he claimed to not know anyone other than Kiefer. Well I didn’t really have any success with that so when a shot girl came around and K-Ho took pity upon her and bought a shot, I also bought a round of shots so we could get even more rowdy.

Shortly after Kiefer buying us a round, K-Ho and I departed Molly’s for Greek Row. She wanted to see her friend Chasky (which wasn’t his real name but I was too drunk to say it right) at the Tiki House. To your left you will see the trek we made. The paw prints show where we deviated and took a short cut. We did make a drunk stop at a playground for 30 minutes. We took pictures of ourselves on the slide, on the monkey bars, and on the swings. This scary person even stopped and asked us for a cigarette.

K-Ho and I started drinking from the keg, we don’t know what the hell we were drinking, in the words of K-Ho, “I love gummy beer! This tastes like gummy bears!!” I bothered the pledges asking them where they kept their composites. They weren’t that big of a help. They were so adorable I just wanted to take their heads to my chest and make them motorboat me. Upon the keg running dry, we decided to go back to Molly’s. However it was cold and it was a long walk. The pledges offered to drive us, but they didn’t have a car. Now tell me how a designated driver can be a designated driver if they don’t have a car?? Well we made the 1.16 mile trek back to Molly’s.

More of the Kutcher boys showed up: Loki, Alfonso, Beer Muscles, and Pavel. Now all the Kutcher boys were smitten with K-Ho when they met her. I am just now mentioning this, but for good reason. Pavel and I have never had a reason to really talk to each other in our acquaintance. Oh but he was more friendly than usual and I knew why. I chuckled to myself because honestly I had never seen Pavel do this, not even from afar. He even had me put his number in my phone just to make sure he would see K-Ho again that night.

And then at one point I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and a cop was standing there. All I heard was “I.D. please” and I seriously thought it was a joke. Why the hell would a cop be in a bar asking for I.D.s? I fork it over while K-Ho sticks hers in her teeth, teasing the officer. And because I still thought it was some big joke, I asked the officer, “Are you a stripper??” I don’t know why I thought he was a stripper. I was afraid though that he was going to rip his shirt off once we passed the age check haha. I mean I was drunk, he looked pretty decent and muscular underneath his shirt to be a stripper! Turns out it was an officer that Loki worked with. And Loki told him to give me and K-Ho a hard time. Even funnier, this officer turned out to be her roommate’s ex-boyfriend’s uncle. Small world! We asked for a picture and apparently The Cuban was trying to steal the officer’s gun from the holster.

When it came time to leave Molly’s, Beer Muscles decided to pick a fight with a random drunk guy. All of a sudden we hear Beer Muscles say some whack ass shit and some dude comes over and they start having words while puffing out their chests. You know. That thing that men do. The Cuban and JLo managed to prevent a fight from breaking out. And then I don’t know what happened between the parking lot of Molly’s and us trying to get across the street to Fatty’s. Angry Drunk Natty came out and she started yelling and swearing. I think I actually scared some of them. While I do kind of know why I got angry, I will not share it in this entry.

We went separate ways for the rest of the night. JLo went to go find some buddies, The Cuban and Beer Muscles went to some townhouse, while me and K-Ho went back to her apartment to pass out. The next morning I saw that Beer Muslces sent me a text saying that at 4 am him and The Cuban did not have a place to stay, and K-Ho tells me that JLo lost his hotel room key. I asked JLo about it later that day, because seriously, how the hell does that happen?

Lynx: “How did you lose your room key??”
JLo: “I dunno. I think I gave it as a credit card to the bartender and when he gave it back I said ‘Oops!’ and I threw it over my shoulder.”